World Leaders Decided To Settle Global Conflicts With Rock-Paper-Scissors Tournament

In an unprecedented move that has left diplomats scratching their heads and game theorists revising their strategy guides, world leaders have announced their decision to settle all global conflicts through a high-stakes rock-paper-scissors tournament.

The United Nations released an official statement, declaring, “After centuries of wars, negotiations, and failed attempts at compromise, we’ve finally realized that the fate of nations can be determined by something as simple as a hand game.”

The tournament, dubbed “Rock-Paper-Scissors for World Peace,” is set to take place in a top-secret location that’s rumored to be a remote tropical island complete with palm trees and a surprisingly well-stocked concession stand.

The initial reactions from citizens around the world have been mixed. While some are excited about the prospect of leaders resolving their differences with a game that requires zero military mobilization, others are skeptical. One citizen was overheard saying, “I mean, I’m all for peace, but are they seriously going to ‘rock’ us into economic agreements and ‘scissors’ us out of fair trade deals?”

To ensure a level playing field, each leader will have to select their move using a state-of-the-art touchscreen device. Rumors suggest that the leaders have been secretly practicing their hand formations, with some even hiring professional rock-paper-scissors coaches.

As the tension builds, global media outlets have begun airing round-the-clock coverage of leaders analyzing their opponents’ previous games and speculating on their potential strategies. Political pundits have thrown themselves into a frenzy, attempting to predict if the Russian president’s affinity for “rock” will outweigh the British prime minister’s commitment to “scissors.”

While some critics argue that reducing international diplomacy to a children’s game is a trivialization of serious matters, proponents insist that it’s a bold move toward transparency. As one diplomat put it, “At least now we’ll know exactly how our leaders are making decisions—based on a three-option game that we all played on the playground.”

Whether this unconventional approach will truly lead to global harmony or merely result in a series of confusing hand gestures remains to be seen. One thing’s for sure, though: world leaders are ready to rock, paper, and scissor their way into the history books.

*this post was generated by AI and is to be read as satire only.